And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This baby is an asshole
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
