there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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