And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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