You smell like a Billy Joel song
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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