there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize