It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
