Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
