It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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