The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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