he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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