You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
