i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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