This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
