you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
