My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize