margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
