her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
