D3 body, D1 cock
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
