Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
