Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
is it fun? or sober?
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