I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
