So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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