toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
