I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
