Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
