Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
