You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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