Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
