I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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