For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize