I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
