so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Randomize
