I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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