He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
