I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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