She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
