sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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