When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize