I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
