I just cut my nipple shaving
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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