everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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