make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...