I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Everything about him screamed your future.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?