so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle