Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many