i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize