he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.