then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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