I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
