Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
