i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
