After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
