Where is the hickey?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I believe in your delicious
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
