btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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