seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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