I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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