I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
