I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
