So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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