I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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