k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
