Girls should come with a carfax report
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
