just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
