Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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