Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
