Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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