Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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