ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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