My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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