Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
